I announced on a Sunday that I was entering into solitude as I was beginning my next phase of healing. My relationship with my son's father had recently ended; it was mutual on both parts so of course there were no bad feelings but still a heartbreak nonetheless. So, at that point I decided it was time to start practicing some self-love, forgiveness, yada yada yada. I knew that to achieve this it would require me to perform some energy work on my heart chakra. I wasn't sure if it was blocked, over active, or under-active, but I was for sure it was one of the three or maybe a combination of them all.
The next day around 3:00pm I started feeling really nauseous. Now I've been nauseous before and it usually subsides on its own, but this bad boy wasn't letting up this time around. I swiftly ran from my work desk to the bathroom to expel what I thought was the Chinese I had for lunch earlier. I did think it was peculiar because shamingly enough, I eat at this restaurant quite often during the week and never had any bad health experiences with them. After the good "Earl", I felt slightly relieved for a few hours thinking "God, I'm never eating there again!" A few hours went by and the uneasy feeling came again, this time with fatigue and headache. I knew it wasn't the food.
I told my supervisor I had to leave because I knew the vomiting was arising again. I made it home without any mishaps in my car (that would've been a mess!). I laid on the couch to see if maybe some rest would would ease the symptoms but nothing aided in my relief. A few hours passed and finally the vomit came back with a vengeance. It was crippling. I've been though different types of vomit (pregnancy, bad food reaction, hangover) but this was one different. How, I still can't explain.
I was sweating profusely, as if I had ran ten miles, I could barely walk to the bathroom so I had to use the trashcan in my bedroom (TMI, I know). I started getting chills, switching from cold to hot. I literally thought I was dying! I had my son's father take me to the ER, I needed confirmation that it wasn't food poisoning or anything of that sort. Anything involving my stomach or head, I take very seriously. The nurse confirmed my suspicion of the stomach flu and prescribed me Zofran for the nausea. "It will take 24-48 hours for the virus to run its course." she said as she reminded me to stay hydrated. After vomiting one last time in the ER room I was discharged with the relief I had came for.
I returned home that night and to my surprise I did not experience any further vomiting. The nausea had subsided as well. I closed my achy eyes, body still weak from purging physically. As I was falling asleep I just couldn't understand why I had fallen ill right after speaking my healing phase departure. I needed solitude, not sickness!
Naturally I took the following day off from work to rest and recover, and if the nasty "Earl" showed it's head again, at least I'd be in the comfort of my own home. Pleasantly, no vomiting occurred. I had a few boughts of nausea but nothing to cause concern. I didn't have an appetite but I was SUPER thirsty. I couldn't get enough water! I had been talking with a great friend of mine about everything I was experiencing and he thought it to be very strange that I was having these symptoms at the same time as my healing began as well. He sent me an article "The Spiritual Flu" by Mellissa Seaman. HOLY SHIT! I hit the jackpot! As soon I read the first sentence, I knew this article was for me. All of my symptoms, all of the emotions I felt were laid out in plain text. It was as if she had experienced this for me and recorded it for others to read. The tears instantly fell. Let me explain why;
The nausea and vomiting is the actual purging of the unresolved issues that you are finally releasing out of your body. Understand that nothing can happen energetically without it happening physically. You are being cleaned from the inside out of all the gunk and mess that no longer serves you. It's not pretty and it can be painful and uncomfortable, but the vulnerability and the surrendering that comes with it is priceless. You can't tell me that when you're puking your guts out, that you aren't at your weakest point, praying for it to end. Nothing else matters at the point but being healed. Sound familiar?
The loss of appetite helped me become more in tune with my body. I wasn't allowed to eat solid food, nor did I want to for that matter, so this in return produced a time of fasting. Now, I do intermittent fasting every day from 8pm-12pm, but of course this was different. I didn't think about food, I didn't think about what I was going to have for lunch and dinner like I do every day. I allowed my body to recover and heal, and let me know when it was ready to consume solid foods. The discipline and nurturing of myself that this brought is uncanny.
I was so weak from all of the events of the day prior and with this weakness came mixed emotions. I was home alone with nobody to talk to (Aha, solitude!). Flashes of unresolved traumas and feelings started to surface. I could feel my heart and mind agreeing that it was time for my healing. I slowly walked into my bedroom and sat in front of my disheveled altar. I closed my eyes and invited my spirit guides into my sacred space. Two of them came and comforted me as I released and let go. It was as if I was a child that was being consoled by its mother, I felt free to be a mess. I asked myself for forgiveness, for hurting others and for those who have wronged me.. I opened my heart and allowed the yucky stuff to drain out, as love and light refilled every ounce. I had a sensation in my chest that was something of a pressure feeling, but it didn't alarm me. I knew what had taken place; my heart chakra was open.
When the experience was over, I took a hot shower and all I could do was say "thank you". I was so grateful for this experience of being "sick". I cried more as the water ran down my body. I imagined it washing away all the negativity I had just released. Down the drain it went. I went to bed that night feeling like a new person, a new born animal as someone I know would like to put it. Ready to explore the world through these new eyes and most importantly, a new heart. I no longer fear doing the work to reach the next level. On the other side is love, always.
Thank you so much for reading this post. For more information about the spiritual flu please read the article mentioned in this blog below. It changed my outlook and hopefully it can give you a different prospective as well. Love and light to you all!